No, Thank You !!
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I can not forget the strange sensation I felt when I said "No, thank you," in English to an American woman properly for the first time in my life. It was when I was invited to a dinner, and offered a cup of coffee by the wife of my American friend during my stay in the United States as a student. "Would you have a cup of coffee?" asked she casually expecting my usual affirmative answer after dinner. A rather blunt "no" came out from my mouth. At first she would not believe her ear and looked at me again. She had been accustomed only to my automatic "yes," or "thank you," until now. "No, thank you. I had already two cups and that's enough for me today I think," I added, and felt great. It was a small triumph for me in more than twenty years since I began to learn English.
In fact, it was a deliberate decline. I had practiced the phrase many times in advance. I could entertain the hostess, as I had done before, by accepting her kind offer. But I prepared myself for the occasion for a long time and practiced the necessary phrase over and over again. So many times in the past I wanted to say "no" properly, but it was always "yes" that came first, and I found myself always eating or drinking what I should have refused, and I felt stupid of myself.
To turn down a kind and friendly offer, an invitation to a piece of cake or a cup of coffee, to a drink or a cigarette, is not that easy as you think it is, especially when it is done out of good intention and friendship. And there is no reason to decline it and hurt the feelings of those who have proposed it. Therefore, most of us appreciate it and comply with it with pleasure. But not all. There are always some exceptions.
Surely you can turn down a cup of coffee as I did, but I bet you can possibly not and will not refuse to accept Nobel prize for any reasons under the sun. As you know well, the prize is awarded to the best of the bests in the world, and it is no small honor for you to be a winner of it and and at the same time for your country to have you. However, French novelist and philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre refused to accept it when he was announced as the recipient of the Nobel prize in literature in 1964. Why? I don't know for sure, but probably he was just unhappy about the fact that his eight-year junior Albert Camus had received it seven years before him. Truly, people should be very cautious, I think, even in awarding Nobel prize if the recipient is a man of great ego.
For the poets of England today to be named as poet laureate by the king would not be such a great honor or privilege as it was for Dryden, Tennyson, and Wordsworth. However, it is no small honor for a poet to be given the title even today among so many outstanding poets. The title went to Thomas Gray in 1757, but to the great astonishment as well as bewilderment of the British people and the proud court, he declined to accept it. Probably they did not know there could be a man in the country at that time who could dare defy the honor and privilege bestowed upon by the king.
Excommunicated by his own people and banished from his own country, Dutch philosopher Benedict Spinoza was barely making his living by grinding lenses in Germany, when he was asked to become a professor of philosophy at the University of Heidelberg in 1673. He was also assured of perfect freedom in teaching anything he liked to teach, but he declined the this honorable as well as lucrative job on the grounds that the position might in some way curb his complete independence of thought and hinder his tranquility of mind.
You probably might decline with ease an invitation to a dinner or a lunch, if the invitation came from one of your friends or relatives. But, could you possibly turn down an invitation, over any excuse under the sun, if it came from president Kim Dae-Jung at the Blue House? No, by no means! No, you will not, even though you did not vote for him in the last election and are very critical of his policies. You will make a great fuss over the unusual dinner by commanding your wife to prepare best suits and neck-tie for the occasion. You will keep the invitation in a specially-ordered wooden frame and hang it on the wall so that everyone may see it. But American novelist William Faulkner did not go when president John F. Kennedy invited him to the White House in 1962 at a luncheon for the American Nobel prize winners. He said that White House was too far to go for a lunch.
Of all the historical turn-downs, the case of Albert Einstein ends them all. This famous scientist was honored by the Nobel prize for physics in 1922. Don't worry! He received the prize, all right, but he declined a greater one. When the State of Israel was founded in 1948 after the World War II, he was offered the position of the first president of Israel by the Knesset, Israeli Parliament, but he declined it after a 24-hour deliberation. He said he was better in physics than in politics.
We just wonder how these men could throw away such a big glory and honor as if it was just a worn-out pair of shoes. We just don't understand. We can't. Aren't they fools? Aren't they crazy or something? No. They are not. They are simply those few proud persons who knew how to say "no," properly and well. They were simply those few blessed persons who could enjoy the privilege, the luxury, and even the thrill of saying the unexpected "no," when they were supposed by everyone to say "yes". Being offered a prize, an office, a title, or a position is a nice and good thing for anyone. To accept it is right and taken for granted. But we need some thought and moral courage to decline it.
This polite and seemingly weak phrase, "No, thank you!" not only delivers you from eating and drinking unnecessary dessert and coffee. It sometimes shows us a new dimension of moral vision, courage and value in all human endeavors, and can ultimately triumph over the time-honored but hypocrisy-ridden mighty authority. It can change history.
(March 4, 1980)
In fact, it was a deliberate decline. I had practiced the phrase many times in advance. I could entertain the hostess, as I had done before, by accepting her kind offer. But I prepared myself for the occasion for a long time and practiced the necessary phrase over and over again. So many times in the past I wanted to say "no" properly, but it was always "yes" that came first, and I found myself always eating or drinking what I should have refused, and I felt stupid of myself.
To turn down a kind and friendly offer, an invitation to a piece of cake or a cup of coffee, to a drink or a cigarette, is not that easy as you think it is, especially when it is done out of good intention and friendship. And there is no reason to decline it and hurt the feelings of those who have proposed it. Therefore, most of us appreciate it and comply with it with pleasure. But not all. There are always some exceptions.
Surely you can turn down a cup of coffee as I did, but I bet you can possibly not and will not refuse to accept Nobel prize for any reasons under the sun. As you know well, the prize is awarded to the best of the bests in the world, and it is no small honor for you to be a winner of it and and at the same time for your country to have you. However, French novelist and philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre refused to accept it when he was announced as the recipient of the Nobel prize in literature in 1964. Why? I don't know for sure, but probably he was just unhappy about the fact that his eight-year junior Albert Camus had received it seven years before him. Truly, people should be very cautious, I think, even in awarding Nobel prize if the recipient is a man of great ego.
For the poets of England today to be named as poet laureate by the king would not be such a great honor or privilege as it was for Dryden, Tennyson, and Wordsworth. However, it is no small honor for a poet to be given the title even today among so many outstanding poets. The title went to Thomas Gray in 1757, but to the great astonishment as well as bewilderment of the British people and the proud court, he declined to accept it. Probably they did not know there could be a man in the country at that time who could dare defy the honor and privilege bestowed upon by the king.
Excommunicated by his own people and banished from his own country, Dutch philosopher Benedict Spinoza was barely making his living by grinding lenses in Germany, when he was asked to become a professor of philosophy at the University of Heidelberg in 1673. He was also assured of perfect freedom in teaching anything he liked to teach, but he declined the this honorable as well as lucrative job on the grounds that the position might in some way curb his complete independence of thought and hinder his tranquility of mind.
You probably might decline with ease an invitation to a dinner or a lunch, if the invitation came from one of your friends or relatives. But, could you possibly turn down an invitation, over any excuse under the sun, if it came from president Kim Dae-Jung at the Blue House? No, by no means! No, you will not, even though you did not vote for him in the last election and are very critical of his policies. You will make a great fuss over the unusual dinner by commanding your wife to prepare best suits and neck-tie for the occasion. You will keep the invitation in a specially-ordered wooden frame and hang it on the wall so that everyone may see it. But American novelist William Faulkner did not go when president John F. Kennedy invited him to the White House in 1962 at a luncheon for the American Nobel prize winners. He said that White House was too far to go for a lunch.
Of all the historical turn-downs, the case of Albert Einstein ends them all. This famous scientist was honored by the Nobel prize for physics in 1922. Don't worry! He received the prize, all right, but he declined a greater one. When the State of Israel was founded in 1948 after the World War II, he was offered the position of the first president of Israel by the Knesset, Israeli Parliament, but he declined it after a 24-hour deliberation. He said he was better in physics than in politics.
We just wonder how these men could throw away such a big glory and honor as if it was just a worn-out pair of shoes. We just don't understand. We can't. Aren't they fools? Aren't they crazy or something? No. They are not. They are simply those few proud persons who knew how to say "no," properly and well. They were simply those few blessed persons who could enjoy the privilege, the luxury, and even the thrill of saying the unexpected "no," when they were supposed by everyone to say "yes". Being offered a prize, an office, a title, or a position is a nice and good thing for anyone. To accept it is right and taken for granted. But we need some thought and moral courage to decline it.
This polite and seemingly weak phrase, "No, thank you!" not only delivers you from eating and drinking unnecessary dessert and coffee. It sometimes shows us a new dimension of moral vision, courage and value in all human endeavors, and can ultimately triumph over the time-honored but hypocrisy-ridden mighty authority. It can change history.
(March 4, 1980)
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