What Are You Doing ? > IDEAS & IDEALS

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       For some period of time immediately after my retirement from the university I had to confront an uncomfortable question: 'What are you doing these days?' Whenever and wherever I met with my friends or former colleagues, they never failed to ask me this question. It came to me with a new sound and meaning, as if I had not heard it before, and at first it embarrassed me and I did not like it. It reminded me of my changed social status and of my uselessness and powerlessness. I was not prepared to answer that question properly and promptly then.

      Five years have passed since. Still the same question is the most frequent one being put to me, but now I am well accustomed to it. Now I realize that it is not so much a question as a greeting. I know they are not sincerely curious of what I am doing after my retirement. They well know that I have nothing much to do and so I am virtually doing nothing. I acknowledge their inquiry simply by saying, 'Nothing in particular,' with a smile. With this simple and meaningless answer everything is settled and everybody is satisfied and happy. Furthermore, I find myself making the same question often when I meet with those who have recently retired.

     But there are some few who are sincerely eager to know what I am doing after my retirement. They are usually my junior colleagues who have just retired or who have just a few more years left to go. Like the students who have just entered college they are full of new hopes and worries about the life to come. Calm and confident as they try to look and seem to be outwardly, but inwardly they are worried and anxious for the future spread before them like a vast and unexplored space with infinite time and possibility. They need some useful tips or hints on how to cope with this brave new world. It is quite natural for them to expect to hear from me, their senior in the school of retirement, a piece of valuable advice, something more than 'nothing in particular.'

      Recently the concept of retirement has undergone a sea change due to many social, economic and scientific reasons and developments. No retirees nowadays seem to stop working and take rest and lead an idle and relaxed life. Far from it. For them it is a new opportunity as well as a challenge these days, when most people enjoy unprecedented material affluence, physical health and ever increasing span of life. They are not tired of their long career work, nor want to lay down the heavy burden off their back. They are like long distance runners standing on the start line for another race. They are excited and even ambitious to do something new and more.

     Far from being crestfallen or downhearted as I was before and after the retirement, these new type of retirees are full of interesting new plans and tight schedules. Some plan to learn dancing; some the art of photography or painting; some are planning to travel abroad like Marco Polo and write another great travelogue; some are going to study Chinese, Latin or even Greek from now on. In sum, they want to do something that they wanted to do, but could not do during their previous career for many reasons. Usually they wish to do something with more passion, enthusiasm and indulgence. No one is going to be idle, lazy or relaxed.

     To tell you the truth, now I find myself doing everything I have been doing except for teaching the students in the classroom. I get up early, nay, earlier than before, make coffee and drink it regularly three cups a day, shave cleanly and devotedly in the morning, go out to meet friends or to visit sick friends from time to time, attend wedding ceremonies and funeral services, go hiking once a week, read books, magazines and newspapers. I send regularly some amount of money to UNICEF. I write, watch TV, take a walk after supper. I am currently serving as president of elementary school alumni association. As I said in the above, I repeat, what I don't do after my retirement is only the job of teaching the students at school and being paid for that. But, alas, what a difference before and after the retirement!

     Alas! They take it for granted that I am doing nothing or have nothing to do. They think of me dozing on the sofa all day watching TV. They are worried if I am dying of boredom. They are cocksure that I have become idle, lazy, and irregular. No! Never! I even set alarm on my table clock to wake me up at five in the morning without fail and begin my day. I don't take a nap which I used to enjoy so much before. I never stay awake late at night watching TV in order to get up early in the morning. But, alas, alas, what's the use of all this diligence and industry? All unnecessary, futile and untimely! Nobody cares what I am doing or thinking, although everybody asks of me what I am doing. I am sad and angry.

     What makes me angrier and sadder is the fact that I came to miss even this empty and meaningless inquiry now. Recently I rarely hear it addressed to me by anybody around me. I realize that they have lost the last appetite of asking even that silly and empty question of me. It is apparent that they have ceased to show a scintilla of interest in me. I am completely forgotten already. They never mind whether I am still alive or already dead. I miss the time when I was pelted with that puzzling and disturbing question. Being left alone at home I often find myself muttering, 'What are you doing these days?' I ask and I answer: 'Nothing,' with a sigh.  
   (April 18, 2011)